Well, it's been decided. I'm clearly not meant to go to graduate school this coming year. I would say that I'm crushed, but that would be a lie. I would say that I'm unnerved, but that would be an equally bold-faced lie. I'm definitely more disappointed than I thought I would be--as I have been mentally preparing for this unfortunate truth. Only to realize, I was only pretending to prepare.
The shock of the truth is that I have almost no idea where to go from here. I'm not like those people who have a "dream", a "goal", the thing they want the most out of life. Yes, I absolutely love writing (most of the time), but I know that if it were a "dream" as opposed to just a "love", I would give up everything to chase it. But it's not a dream. I don't know what it is actually.
I've always been the person that dabbles in everything. I like to try different things, do different things. I value variety. Perhaps this is why I've always had multiple groups of friends at every stage in life. It would be a poor choice of words to say that I get bored with one group of friends, and quite untrue actually. Rather, I simply value the differences of each group and how it gives me the opportunity to participate in a wide range of activities.
And unfortunately, I think this is what I want out of work, out of a career. Out of life.
But then again, do most people?
I thought I would be back in the States by August. But now it looks like it won't be until September. Or October. Or if I find a job in this part of world, much later than that.
Who knows. Definitely not me. Definitely not me...
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