Badge of Deceit

"Anthony", I have a note for you at the bottom.
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It never ceases to amaze me, that I can write in my blog, but I can't actually view it myself. The layout must be ugly. I've never been good at having good blog layouts.

I carry a badge with me. It's not a very big one, and I don't wear on my shirt, or the proverbial sleeve. But every so often I pull it out and flash it at someone. And it never really seems to help the situation. Yet I continue to do it.

I did it the other day.

I'm talking about my "loyalty" badge. The one that says, "I care about your well being more than my reputation with you." I usually only bring this out with friends I consider close, and only when I sincerely believe I have something of value to say to my friend that they need to hear. This of course ends up having one of three consequences. They either leave encouraged, enraged, or just cold. But I leave feeling some kernel of not satisfaction, but relief that regardless of how they feel towards me, they heard what they needed.

And when I think back on it, I sit down and internally sock myself in the face. "Congratulations," my head tells me, "you have the courage to put their well being over your reputation. But do you think for one moment you really have the wisdom, and more importantly the authority to pull such a stunt?"

And my oh so lowly response. "But I really believe in it."

And I do. I would rather say something to a friend--even if I would have to face the wrath of their anger--if in the end it helps them. If they think less of me, that's collateral damage. What's more important is that they're better off. Having me as a friend isn't so important.

And that's why I call it, the "loyalty" badge, the quotes necessary. After all, it's loyalty, right? Right?

What is loyalty? Do I understand it? Is it standing by someone regardless of what they do? Is it taking part in their burden? Is it temporarily hurting them in order to make them better, when necessary? Is it sacrificing yourself (in the non-ceremonial offer myself up to the gods type of way)

Full circle. I wonder if my friend I flashed my badge at the other day is angry, angry that I more or less told him to "wake up." I think I was pretty tactful about it. I tend to believe that being tactful is one of my strengths.

Then again, sometimes I think my iron grip of my "loyalty" badge is too.

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I guess I'll have to start a new comments section here, since I can't post on my own blog...hah.

Anthony: I'm curious, who in common do we know? Small world. Appreciate the comment, and strangely applicable I got to admit. Do you do a lot of spoken word? I still think you should use it somewhere. But I might use it for a script somewhere. It strangely fits with something I'm "working on." And by working on, I mean the ideas are still in my head.

Sigh, work leaves me too tired at the end of the day.