I often wonder why I felt the need to create another blog.
I'm really suffering from exhaustion. I want to read, study Chinese, write, write, write, but I'm so tired after work that I have no mental energy. It's like, a constant pity party.
I spent a significant time on Facebook today, which is rather unusual for me I think. I looked at pictures of what old friends are doing now, read up on notes, did a little wall stalking, etc.
And for the first time, I felt really distant.
Not far away, in that I'm across the Pacific Ocean, but far away in that, I'm just in a different world and that we've all moved on.
And in some respects, this is probably true. The kid in me hates to admit it, but this is the world in which we live in. We grow up, and we all go our separate ways. We walk in tandem, but we walk along different paths.
Here I am in China being a teacher, while my friends are all over the world, running dolphin shows, becoming TV producers, working as graphic designers, studying to be lawyers, working alongside famous chef celebrities, studying medicine, trying to be a wedding photographer. And none of those people live in the same place. And that's only a handful.
It's interesting that at one point, all our paths crossed. We all met, got to know each other and walked with each other, only to again separate.
It's more so interesting, because once I start thinking about my friends, what they're doing, and how we only see each other maybe once every other month, I inevitably realize that the fact I can wonder about this for so long, says something about how extremely lucky I am.
I've been blessed with a lot of friends at every stage of my life (well, except here in China). I've always had lots of real, close friends in different circles: high school, church, all phases of college, studying abroad in Hong Kong.
I even went ahead and made a list of all my friends that I've kept close to over these years. It's really long. And interestingly enough, the list just gets longer. It never shortens.
I've learned that I trust that I'll make an effort to keep in touch with all my good friends. I should trust that my friends will do the same.
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2 comments:
you should trust that we will. :) actually thats funny because i was just talking about that with david when we met up because i havent seen him since graduation.. and we mentioned that we can always pick up where we leave off and it's never awkward. honestly think i'll be friends with you guys for many, many years to come.
hey dan. you probably don't know me. But you know a few of my friends. i like yo talk. this is something i wrote. I was gonna incorporate it into some speech/spoken word thing, but it'd be better off in your hands. This is for you.
I saw endless years stretch out before me, and they were warmly pleasant and yet painfully, irretrievably old. I missed the friends I would never make – pawns of misunderstanding or circumstance. I wanted them so bad. I wanted them to turn and smile at me and give me just one more chance. And I wanted connection, joyful presence, never to cease.
That is why I wish for heaven. I wish it for them and for me. Down through the winding years and miles, that hope will sustain me until we all meet again.
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